Dying as You May Live
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:2-3(NIV).
“Daddy! Daddy! Is he dead? Is he dead, Daddy?” Panic surged through me as I heard my 3-year-old son screaming from the other side of the hospital’s emergency ward. I knew he was over there to retrieve his toy car, but it took a moment to connect his wailing to the sight of someone being unloaded from an ambulance on a stretcher. My anxiety grew as he resisted my attempts to calm him down. It took several tries to convince him that the man wasn’t dead, that he was there because doctors were here, and they would make him feel better.
Reliving that moment for even a second is still a harrowing experience for me. It’s not a stretch to relate that story to my experience with Christianity and my involvement in the Church. It allows me to step back and, in awe, contemplate the majesty and mystery of my Lord’s ways. In many ways, I feel like that little guy in the Church today, standing at a distance, struggling to comprehend what I see as wounded souls stagger through the doors, barely clinging to the hope that has somehow been placed in their hearts.
As I watch from that distance, the temptation arises in me to scream: “Are they dead, Father? Are they dead?” I see those who profess faith yet remain chained to anxiety, fear, shame, and guilt. I see those filled with self-hatred, self-loathing, self-judgement and low self-esteem, and those who confess with their mouths that Jesus is Lord all radiate doom, gloom, pessimism, despair, uttering hopelessness. “Are they dead? Are they?”
Grace and mercy wash over me as my human response says ‘no,’ but His response flows in, saying: No, not yet!’
In God’s ‘hospital’ – the Church – people come to die (though they may not realize it as they step through the doors) so that they can be healed by being reborn and re-establishing their identity in the Kingdom of Heaven. It is here that the things of the world grow strangely dim, and thoughts of invading our enemy’s kingdom arise, blossoming into desires of becoming “difference makers”. It is here that we seek validation for our lives only from Jesus, for it is in His strength that the world will experience our love and recognize us as Christians.
Today, it is clear to me that wisdom fills the gap between that time in the hospital with my son and this time in God’s hospital. It also bridges the gap between believers and non-believers.
As a Christian, I am grateful to have been granted wisdom through the spiritual gift of mercy. I strive to have the eyes and heart to seek the lost, broken, and lonely, so my life can guide them toward the Light that saves. Even in the days of my unbelief, sitting in an emergency room, I am thankful for the wisdom granted to me then. Upon seeing another ambulance backing into the bay, I was inspired to call my son to me and share my newfound understanding: “Do you see that ambulance backing in over there? There is someone in there, and they are not dead either!”
Ah, the Wisdom of the Lord leads to peace and comfort. His ways are always delightful!