Shortly before I got sick and spent two weeks in bed, God nudged me to stop playing it safe. I wondered what God meant and what it could mean for my life. And how it could possibly connect with Pastor Cassie’s sermon on Guarding Against Greed. This sermon prompted me to look at scripture more closely, particularly Hebrews 13:5, which states, “Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (NLT).
Too often, I have read this scripture and overlooked the significance of the first portion – Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. One of the synonyms for satisfaction is contentment. Paul refers to it in Philippians 4:11. Ever since that Sunday sermon, I have been learning about the art of contentment – laying a foundation for the practice of contentment at all times. While I have yet to receive a revelation about not “playing it safe,” I have learned that greed doesn’t strictly refer to wealth.
Greed can manifest in my heart’s posture as comparison – comparing myself to others in admiration, reverence, envy, jealousy and resentment.
“At the root of these things is greed – it is wanting more than what we have.” ~Pastor Cassie
This is difficult to admit, let alone share publicly. Since the birth of our granddaughter, I have harbored envy, jealousy, and resentment towards the other grandparents regarding their relationship with her. I have experienced envy – wanting what they have, jealousy – coveting their relationship – and resentment – wondering why I can’t have that. I have sought God in prayer, let go of comparison for short periods of time and expressed genuine gratitude for all that they do for my daughter’s family. I’m blessed to know that they are close by and available at a moment’s notice.
Months ago, I realized that the role I feel I am playing now is like the role my own parents played when my children were growing up. It breaks my heart to think “oh, how they must have felt”; however, it was not intentional on our part, but rather a result of proximity and availability.
Heavenly Father, thank You for these realizations. Forgive me for my past and present behavior. Help me to die to my expectations and freely embrace the unique gifts you have given me to create my own relationship with our grandchildren. Replace these emotions with contentment – biblical joy and peace which supersedes my understanding and heals my aching heart. I pray that the Holy Spirit will intercede, reminding me that contentment is found in God’s perspective, priorities and power, not my feelings or circumstances. Amen.
God is good! God is faithful! He continues to connect the dots between His Word and my life. After some quiet time, I came across these words from my recovery devotional: “If we are still clinging to something that we will not let go, we must sincerely ask God to help us to be willing to let even that go too.” Oh, how often have I prayed for the willingness to let go?” It usually goes like this: “Lord, make me willing to be willing”.
I can be so stubborn and prideful. I can hold on to things so tightly that I obsessively focus on them, leading to heightened stress and anxiety. In this state, I feel threatened and unsafe, and I seek to soothe my pain by escaping my reality and engaging in protective behaviors. Nothing good ever comes of it! I am learning to let go of this pattern of behavior by seeking God first and holding on to His promises, while relying on His protection rather than relying on my own protective behaviors. It’s a moment-by-moment practice to move from “stressed and obsessed” to “serene and overseen”.
Then, in a tender and loving way, God corrected some of my thinking while having a conversation with my neighbor about her parents. Despite being grandparents for 20 years, they still held on to their envy and jealousy, and for good measure, they would also try to manipulate her and her sons. That’s when God’s Spirit within me prompted me to speak.
I described my own perception of who I believed my parents were to my children. And confessed that I didn’t want to be that way. I want to be the “available” grandparent. The one who has sleepovers, taxis the kids to their activities, hosts family dinners, and can pop by to help with chores.
Regrettably, that is not my reality – so what am I going to do about it? Will I manipulate, grumble or complain and remain dissatisfied?
Out of my own mouth came the words that shifted my focus from dissatisfaction to acceptance and contentment. I realized that what I truly want for my daughter and her family is the closeness, love, and care that she and her brother experienced growing up next door to their grandparents and attending school with their cousins. And that is precisely what they are building. My grandchildren are living the life I desire for them – the life God chose for them. Who am I that you, Lord, are mindful of me?
Heavenly Father, please remove unhealthy feelings and behaviors from my heart and replace them with contentment, unconditional love and acceptance. Remind me to use the gifts You have bestowed upon me well. May I have a lasting impact on my family wherever and whenever. Thank You for the gift of grandchildren. It is such a privilege to witness their growth. May I continue to pray for them and their parents – there’s no need to pray for willingness here. But more importantly, I have no doubt that You will never fail them or abandon them. Amen.
