One of the things I like about Heartstrong is the discussion prompts or questions, which cause me to consider and respond. Therein lies the opportunity for growth and understanding.
When Pastor Lori asked us to consider one verse that stood out to us that we could spend the rest of our lives practicing as we followed Jesus, what verse did we choose? I was amazed at how quickly the Holy Spirit nudged me to consider Proverbs 3:5, which states:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Trust has been an issue for me most of my life. As a result of traumatic experiences, conditional love and societal pressures, I came to believe that the only person I could trust was myself. I couldn’t rely on others for fear of being hurt again. And at the time, I didn’t know God.
I believed I was unworthy of love unless I was valuable. My sense of self-worth was distorted, and I felt that I constantly had to prove myself through my achievements and performance to be deserving of love and acceptance.
These beliefs shaped my understanding and kept me bound in perfectionism, people pleasing, and performance mode. I was hypervigilant and cautious in every circumstance. This added to my stressors and showed up as fear, anxiety and lastly depression. After decades of this lifestyle, I finally began to concede that my pride, my programs and my plans were unhealthy and futile. Something had to change. That something was a someone – Jesus became my solution.
In 2013, through the waters of baptism, I publicly declared that I was done flirting with Jesus and 100% committed to following Him and serving God. In this same season, as a result of a reorganization, I lost my job. Now more than ever, I needed to relinquish control, surrender to God and leave the outcome in His hands. Trusting myself didn’t save me, but trusting God and trusting the process grounded me while I sought new employment. This circumstance drew me into an intimate relationship with God. While I didn’t understand how I ended up in this situation, trying to figure it out was pointless. Only God knew the outcome because He is always in control and never changes. So that became enough to get me through countless interviews and job processes.
Jeremiah 17:7-8(NKJV)describes the benefits that come to those who trust God with all their heart (and mind):
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.”
There’s an acronym for trust that helps me when I am uncertain. It reminds me to have total reliance during severe trials. It is only when I choose to rely on God wholly that my fears and anxieties subside. To depend on God means to surrender my pride, my need to be right and my need to figure things out. It means releasing perfectionism and taking God at His word. It means trusting God, trusting the process and then trusting myself.
According to Sarah Young, author of Jesus Calling devotionals, “Understanding will never bring us Peace. That’s why God instructs us to trust in Him, not in our understanding. We have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over our lives. But the world presents us with an endless series of problems. As soon as we master one set, another pops up to challenge us. The relief we had anticipated is short-lived. Soon our mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking God (our Master).”
I leave you with this prayer from Sarah Young, author of Jesus Listens devotionals.
“Trustworthy Lord Jesus,
Please help me trust You enough to rest and enjoy Your Presence. I confess that I often live in a state of hypervigilance – feeling and acting as if I’m in the midst of an emergency. Your word tells me that I am remarkably and wonderfully made. My body is carefully crafted to gear up when necessary and then gear down when the crisis is over. But because I live in a broken body and a broken world, I find it difficult to let down my guard and really rest.
Thank you for training me to trust in You with all my heart and mind. The more I lean on You in confidence and trust, the more fully I can enjoy Your Presence. As I rest in Your healing light, You shine Peace into my mind and heart. While I spend time waiting with You, my awareness of Your Presence grows stronger and Your unconditional love soaks into my inner being.
In Your holy, healing Name,
Amen”
God is good! He is faithful! He connects the dots between His Word and my life. As I write, God’s Spirit flows onto the page, weaving a thread of hope and encouragement, taking His Word, my experience and the insights from devotionals to craft beautifully woven messages.
